Welp...herpes.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
