My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
