I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
