I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
