i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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