I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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