It's Friday. Sex?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
