I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
