My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
