i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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