when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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