You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
