Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
