Hey man sorry I got all grabby
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
