I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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