I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
