dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
