why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
