I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
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