Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
