I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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