I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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