im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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