Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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