my vag is so smooth its legendary
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
