I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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