I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
