He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
