can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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