This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
