based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
