I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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