He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
