My hand turned me down
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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