also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
