I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
