just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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