I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
