I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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