Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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