She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
