At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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