i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
