You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
