So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
