This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
