i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
