Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
