Barsexuality is the new black.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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