also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
